Floundering in Fitness

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Each spring we find ourselves inundated with a plethora of fitness heavy headlines: "Beach Ready in 4 Weeks!", "Get a Bikini Bod Fast!", "Shed Winter Weight Now!".  Each year I find myself rolling my eyes and getting a little salty when my gaze meet the shelves.

I've never had a beach goddess bod: not when I ran on my high school's cross country and track teams, not even when I worked out for two hours each night for months on end during my sophomore and junior years of college.  No simple five step plyometric inspired Tabata workout is going to melt my thighs in time for summer, so I typically take the cynical "like I give a sh*t, I'm funny!" approach to this workout festive time of year (to preserve my dignity, of course).  With that said, I've always been active, am pretty fit (but not a swimsuit model), and love to move and groove - just not in a competitive fashion.

In the past, my attitude towards fitness has worked out just fine.  I manage to barrel through the warm weather in figure flattering dresses without group boat/beach trips and a sense of humor.  That sense of humor; however, masks what I'm really feeling: "Why me?  Why do I have to work so hard to stay fit when all I really want is to bake cookies and eat bacon all day long?"

In high school I was in pretty darned good shape.  I ran for the school teams not because I was good at it, but because my parents said I had to be involved in a school sport and I had zero hand-eye coordination and dancing became too expensive to be a hobby.  Not going to lie, sometimes I wasn't even coordinated enough to stay in my lane during races.  I hated track and cross country.  I shy away from competition, loath being out in cold weather for no reason, do not find running enjoyable in any way shape or form, and absolutely hate feeling like the slow kid (I may not be competitive, but I'm a fierce perfectionist).  I also didn't know anything about running, shoes, or proper form before I started and wound up in searing pain with dreams of my legs being amputated because my shin splints became stress fractures and no amount of physical therapy or Aleve could make it all go away.

At some point over the past year, I've given up completely on running.  It makes me miserable, brings back memories of failure and feelings of inadequacy, and is just not enjoyable for me.  I also quit my gym membership because I've used it all of 3 times this winter and can't justify the monthly dues.  Waking up early  has become really difficult for some reason and, in the evening, I'd rather spend time cooking with my boyfriend than hanging out in the gym wishing I looked like the girl in the row in front of me.  Unfortunately, these factors have let me gain a ton of weight which is almost a more miserable feeling than my lungs while running.

One activity I love and also gave up, but am determined to return to, is yoga.  I keep shrugging it off because, in my determined mind, nothing will help me lose weight like a painful cardio session.  While there are plenty of articles packed with research pointing to this not being true, I've never lost an ounce doing yoga alone.   I did; however, manage to lose about a size this past fall by biking too and from work (which I love doing) and investing in at least 20 minutes of yoga a few times each week.  The best part?  I felt amazing - body and spirit.

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Yoga changes the way I feel almost instantly.  The first time I pulled out Seane Corn's Vinyasa 1 DVD and stretched and held my way through the poses was invigorating, exciting, and eye opening.  For the first time in my life, I felt like there was something athletic that I could do (and, unlike dance, no one ever says you "don't have the ribs" for it).  Whenever yoga sessions become a regular part of my weekly routine, be them alone or in a class, my soul feels lighter and I feel inspired to help others, to bike to work to avoid panic attacks on the el, and (best of all) to laugh more often.

With all that said, I am determined to get back on the horse with not a resolution, but a hope: to wake up each morning with the intention to do a little yoga in order to feel great.  I may not fit into my size 26 jeans ever again, but if there is anything this terrible winter has taught me, it's that feeling good is much more important than looking good because, let's be honest, who do you know that actually looked fabulous during the polar vortex?

If anyone has any tips on getting yourself up and out of bed a little earlier than normal in the morning to pursue some fitness, or on incorporating a little yoga into your average day, please let me know.  Honesty is the best policy and I often can't see the simple solutions that should be right in front of me.  Hoping you will help keep me accountable for this mission!
xx